psikokrash

psikokrash @ 2005-05-16T12:58:00

2005-05-16T17:59:28Z

this is really neat, if you care to read the entire entry. if you're religious or you're questioning religion, i think you'll like it. copied from my xanga, because i dont want to re-type all this:

my mother's dreams scare me. before i start, realize that my mom is very religious-she lives by the book, and the only books she'll read are Christian books. alright? good. from the top:

i went to bed at around 4:30, maybe closer to 5 this morning after beating the crap out of Lady Yunalesca and going as far as i possibly could in FFX before getting bored. mom woke me at a little before 8:30. she's been having these weird kind of headaches recently-hold your lunch, this is where i get graphic: the headaches are bad enough to be migranes, but they're not. the only warning she has comes too late to do anything about it-pull over if she's driving, sit if she's standing, you know. the warning comes in the form of her stomache becoming extremely loose, and she gets bad, bad diarreha. the headache kind of comes and goes, and she says it feels worse when she lays down.

we go to the doctor's office after a bit of running around to find a shirt for my work uniform. a bit of waiting, and once she comes out, the doctor follows her and says, "Okay, I called a doctor downtown. Dont stop for shopping, lunch, anything-go straight there. He'll run an MRI, and maybe a few other tests. I think it may be an anurysm leaking slowly, possibly caused by the vericose veins in your (left) leg. Is your daughter old enough to drive? Good. You drive, then. Here's the number, call and get directions if you need them. I'll get you a pen." Well, that's the shortened version.

Mom called, got directions, and then drove me home. I was supposed to work at 4, but i got a call saying that orientation has been postphoned, so the trip home was a waste of time. I told her i would call and see if i could postphone orientation myself (before i knew about the call) but she said no, and she recruited my aunt to go with her. if we're lucky, it's just nerves.

in the car on the way home, she says "I'm going to tell you about this dream I had." out of left field. we rarely discuss her dreams. I'm big on symbolism in dreams, and dreams in general, so we discuss mine briefly about once a week. "I'm going to tell you about this dream I had. Jimmy doesnt remember me telling him, but I know I did.

"Jimmy (her boyfriend of about 4 and a half, maybe 5 years) and I were sitting at a square table. I was sitting here," she made a motion with her hand, " and Jimmy was sitting here." Another gesture, to show he was sitting to her left at the small square table. "All of a sudden, there was this bright, bright white light coming from here" more gestures, to her right, across from Jimmy, "but I was wearing a...I think it was a mask...but...you know those little metal fish that you see on cars sometimes?" "The Jesus fish?" "The one with the little cross in it?" "Yeah, I know what you mean." "Well, there was a fish like that cut into the mask, so i could see through that, but i couldnt see much. Then she said-" "Who said? Who's 'she'?" "The lady in the light" "What? You didnt mention anyone in the light." "It was a lady-well, I think it was a lady, all i could see through the mask was the outline of someone with long hair. She touched me right here," she touched the back of my head and neck and moved her hand up and down a bit softly, like she said later the lady in the dream did, "and said, 'There's something wrong right here, but dont worry about it. He's taking care of it. Dont worry.' and she said some other things. And I remember she said something about one of you-either you or missy or something, and she said 'I know you're worried, but He's taking care of that. Dont worry about it.' and she said alot more, but i cant remember it."

Her worrying about us isnt a surprise. She's afraid of something for all of us. She's afraid we wont succeed by not pushing ourselves hard enough. She's afraid something'll happen, and she wont see Manny grow up. That Missy, living by herself now, wont take care of herself and go out one night, and not return the next morning. She's afraid of alot for us.

We get home, and we continue the discussion over some salad she had leftover. (reminds me, i left coconut shrimp in my car and it's been in there since friday afternoon.) I ask her more about the dream, to get a better feel of what she saw. I ask, "How did you feel in the dream? Do you remember feeling any emotion?" She looks at her knees a second, then says "I was excited! I remember being really excited, and when I woke up, I was still excited." "And the hand? When the person touched you, was it a soft touch, were they rough? Was the hand cold or warm?" "A soft touch. Kind of rubbing the back of my head. I dont remember if it was cold or warm.

I told Debbie (a friend she works with) about it, and she started to cry. I had another dream, awhile back, when Jimmy and I started dating. I was in bed, and I felt someone watching me. A lady was standing by the side of my bed, and she looked like Jimmy's wife. I felt like she was telling me it's okay to date him, and she doesnt mind. I didnt tell Jimmy." "Yeah, I dont think you should. Was it, like, real?" "Yeah. It was like I wasnt asleep at all."

Jimmy's wife died New Years Day, 2000. Before Kara moved to Califonia, before Jake hit puberty, and when Elijah was too young to really remember. Their car was missing a seat belt, and Susan decided that if anyone was going to ride without a seat belt, it'd be her. A drunk driver hit their car, and Susan and Elijah (who was wearing his belt) got thrown from the car, both through the windshield. Elijah survived somehow, but Susan died in the hospital. She was extremely religous-as is Jimmy.

Mom remembers both dreams vividly. We discussed them and some of the prophecies in the bible before my aunt showed up. It's scary, kind of, and I can only wonder how, exactly, He is going to take care of her and everything else like the lady in her dream said.

psikokrash @ 2005-05-11T22:06:00

2005-05-12T03:08:01Z

i SWEAR TO GOD i saw someone walk out of the woods on my way home tonight. they werent wearing a shirt and they had their hands up like they were trying to stop someone. they walked out of the woods right as i was passing by! scared the crap out of me. i didnt know if i should go back and offer help or get as far away as possible. creepy.

Your brain: 60% interpersonal, 200% visual, 100% verbal, and 40% mathematical!

Congratulations on being 400% smart! Actually, on my test, everyone is. The above score breaks down what kind of thinking you most enjoy doing. A score above 100% means you use that kind of thinking more than average, and a score below 100% means you use it less. It says nothing about how good you are at any one, just how interested you are in each, relatively. A substantial difference in scores between two people means, conclusively, that they are different kinds of thinkers.

Matching Summary: Each of us has different tastes. Still, I offer the following advice, which I think is obvious:

Don't date someone if your interpersonal percentages differ by more than 80%.
Don't be friends with someone if your verbal percentages differ by more than 100%.
Don't have sex with someone if their math percentage is over 200%.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 61% on interpersonal

You scored higher than 98% on visual

You scored higher than 80% on verbal

You scored higher than 37% on mathematical

Link: The 4-Variable IQ Test written by chriscoyne on Ok Cupid

psikokrash @ 2005-05-09T22:26:00

2005-05-10T03:26:51Z

well, y'all. looks like it might be g'bye again soon. jeremy asked me today to move back in with him. right out of left field. i mentioned it to my mom, and she's not angry or anything like last time, she just wants to make sure i'm still going to college ASAP. if i do leave, it wont be until the end of this month. my cousin is graduating the 28th and I cant miss it-those of you graduating from JVHS this year, i'm sorry, but i gotta do what i gotta do, and in all fairness, I knew Erica first.

i'll stay in touch with those of you who have my number (that's lauren...and jim...and bryan...and lauren...). and the rest of you, i'll be back every now and then.

but that's not for another few weeks. i'm gettting ahead of myself.

from bill's blog...i'm such a hippie. say no to whitey.:

Hippie
You are 28% Rational, 71% Extroverted, 28% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant.

You are the Hippie! Characterized by a strong sense of extroversion, irrationality, gentleness, and humility, you no doubt frolic through fields preaching peace and love to all! You are probably either very spiritual or needlessly paranoid about "the man", like most hippies, as a result of your focus on intuition and feelings over cold, brutal logic. You are also very, very social. And like any hippie, who would have no qualms about hitchiking across the country just to meet some interesting people, you too love to interact with others, even complete strangers. Because we know most any hippie is peace-loving and humble, it stands to reason that you, as well, are terribly gentle and humble, almost to the point of revulsion. Your carefree attitude of peace and harmony is probably very, very sickening to realists or cynics or anyone who isn't a hippie, to tell the truth. In short, your personality is defective because you are overly emotional, extroverted, gentle, and humble--thus making you an annoying hippie. And you listen to psychadelic rock and smoke a whole lot of pot. Okay, maybe not, but I wouldn't be surprised if you did.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Sociopath.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Televangelist, and the Robot.

If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

The other personality types:

The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 18% on Rationality

You scored higher than 70% on Extroversion

You scored higher than 24% on Brutality

You scored higher than 48% on Arrogance

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on Ok Cupid

psikokrash @ 2005-05-03T16:08:00

2005-05-03T21:27:45Z

In a moment of outstanding stupidity today...

i locked my keys in the fucking car.

go on. say it. stupid stupid adri. you dumbass.

hey, fuck you.

seriously, though, i'm in some shit. (YARG!)

first off, my mom told me the car is NOT for visiting people. It's for finding and going to a job. go look for a job, she says. i say okay.

i go by jeremy's around ten this morning to show off my badass vehicle (a '97 Geo Metro. yow!) and after i park, i sit in the car a bit because I heard my cell phone ringing in my purse on the way over and i dont want to risk driving with my cell in one hand. i hate when people do that and they're shitty drivers. i recognize that i'm a shitty driver and i dont pick up the cell when i'm driving. i call back. so i go through my messages (none too interesting. no one important. waste of time. not for me. telemarketer. done.) and roll up the windows, get out of the car, and let out a resounding "SHIT!" the moment i shut the door. i sit there a moment, hoping if i stare at it hard enough, it'll open on it's own, but nothing. i check all the doors. none unlocked. windows up. all of them. keys in the ignition.

i knock on jeremy's door. hand him the peice of cake i brought for him (won at a cake walk by me last friday and a festival Elijah's school was doing-Butterfinger cake. Delicious.) and tell him what i did. he grabs a work shirt, some Tide, and a clothes hanger. he un-bends the hanger and trys to unlock the back door (the window was down a fraction of an inch) but no good. we call a tow truck thing and ask how much it'd cost to have someone slim-jim it, and find out it's 45$ neither of us have. jeremy trys the hanger again, and then we give up with it. I call my uncle. Five times atleast. He doesnt answer. I call the Dry Cleaners. It rings atleast 15 minutes. No answer. Assholes. I call my sister to see if she has a spare key. She checks then says no. She says there's this thing at the house that'll open the door but wont start the car. Yay. A ray of light.

Then my mom calls. First thing she asks, is where am i? I'm at Jeremy's. I locked the keys in the car. Why were you at Jeremy's? I wanted to bring him some cake. I locked the keys in the car. She yells a bit, then hangs up. I feel bad for being yelled at, but good for not lying to her.

Jeremy says he'll take me by there, but first he wants to take a nap. i say okay. a little while later, i put his clothes in the dryer and get bored. i ask to borrow his car. i come home, and cant find the damn thing. I call mom and ask her what exactly I'm looking for. A small grey plastic sleeve like the one my debit card has. It should be in the little white heart shaped box in the nightstand. I dump the junk out of the box. Nada. I go through every drawer in her room-all 13-not an exaggeration. She must have every fortune from every fortune cookie she's ever had. But no little grey sleeve like the one my debit card has. I want to cry. I call my uncle again. He says he's seen a Slim Jim at the dollar store a few blocks away. He's sure of it. I go buy one. i got what i paid for. It was slim, and it bent. alot. useless.

the geo is still outside jeremy's apartment, so jeremy drives me home. i call mom and say "hey-in an attempt to lighten the blow, i'm making dinner and mowing the front lawn-i just wanted to make sure you didnt have plans already. no. good.

the chicken is in the oven and the lawn mower is outside. mom has to come home and try to find the key-thingy.

psikokrash @ 2005-05-02T21:43:00

2005-05-03T02:44:36Z

G'bye, Johnny. I'ma miss you, boy.

He's going back to Biloxi, Mississippi tomorrow. I spent a few hours with him and Josh today.

On a brighter note-I got my lisense today. Tomorrow will be spent job hunting. I'm way excited about it, but the Johnny thing puts a downer on it.

Damn.

psikokrash @ 2005-05-01T15:32:00

2005-05-01T20:32:48Z

My Uncle fell through. I DID want to go to San Antonio (and steal Rachel and take her with me) but I cant say I was surprised.

The party was great. It was switched from a crawfish boil at the last minute to a crawfish boil/jessi graduation party. It was the first time I've seen my Godson (i love calling him that!) since February. He's SO BIG and SO ADORABLE! He smiles alot and if you talk to him enough, and keep him smiling, he'll start trying to talk back. He's a bit spoiled, though. Ahh! I love that little boy!

I spent alot of time fighting with Deric (the little Deric's father) over my shirt. I was wearing my "Kiss Me I'm Irish" shirt, and every chance he got, he reminded me that I'm not Irish. I told him over and over that I knew, and if he didnt stop he'd lose a nut. He'd better thank Jessi that he left with both nuts intact.

I saw Johnny, too. He was gorgeous before he left, but he's grown out his hair a bit and he's even moreso cut than he used to be. On top of that he's got these beautiful blue eyes and this adorable accent. He could have just about any girl he wants, and even though I gained all this weight, he still wants me.

He and I got into the pool (it was a cold day, but they heated it up) around 2, and we didnt get out until about 11. Maybe 11:30. It wasnt just him and I. At first it was everyone, then the kids left, then Jaime had to go. And by 10, it was just Johnny, Jason, Josh, Little Michael (jessi's cousin-she has an uncle named Michael too) and I. Usually in a situation like that, I'd feel uncomfortable-in a bathing suit, with 4 guys, in the dark, and horseplaying-but I've known these guys a long time, and they're like family-plus, I'd drank alot. We floated around, drinking and laughing.

HEH! Speaking of drinking, I had three 36 oz. Smirnoff Green Apple vodka and sodas. I drank the first one kind of fast, so I was drunk before we got to the party, but after that, I slowed it down. I had a bit of bourbon and soda and a sip off Jason and Johnny and Josh's beers here and there. I didnt get drunk again, though. I did feel alot moreso comfortable, though. I had just about everyone on my smiroff, though. I let Karron, Michael, Johnny, Jason, Jessi and everyone have drinks off it, so I didnt have too much to myself.

I started out with 20$. 20$ I was supposed to spend on Clearasil and Infusium, and after buying all that Smirnoff and a pack of cigarettes (i smoked maybe 3 or 4, and since i shared those too, the pack was gone by 5 o' clock) I had 3 dollars left.

Jessi's money tree (a tradition on birthdays and graduations in their family) turned up something north of 270$. She gave me ten so I could get some Clearasil and Infusium. I love her! Saved my ass. My mom was no doubt going to ask what happened to the money.

So, back to Johnny and the pool. We were in there for hours. We played around and whatnot, and after awhile, he grabbed me and pulled me close and told me he missed me and he loves me still and all. I told him the truth-I miss him too and I still care for him.

He asked me to stay the night at the house. I called my Uncle and told him i'd get home early so we could get to san antonio.

Josh, Michael and I slept in the living room. I asked Josh to sleep in there because I didnt feel comfortable if it was just Michael and I. Michael is Jessi Uncle, and he's about 40 yrs old, and he's got a disorder. He's slow. He's never been married, and rumor has it he's never been laid. Earlier, Michael asked me how old I was (i havent seen him since about august) and when I said "Eighteen.", he elbowed Johnny and said "Hear that? She's not illegal anymore!" and after I got out of the pool, I sat with him on the back patio to eat some crawfish, and he asked if he could call me "baby". I told him I didnt feel comfortable with it, and I kind of avoided him after that.

Johnny slept upstairs in Jessi's room. I went into the extra bedroom no one was using (Johnny's bedroom-there was a leak right over the bed) and grabbed pillows for Josh and Michael, went into Jessi's room and kissed Johnny goodnight. He asked me to stay upstairs with him, and I told him no-Ralph would be pissed if he found out. I went downstairs and after awhile, Johnny came down and he kissed me and asked me again to come upstairs. I kept telling him no, and he agreed to sleep downstairs with Josh, Michael and I. He kept trying to persuade me to go upstairs, but I won out-after a straight hour.

He drove me home this morning, and said he'd call me before he left to Biloxi either tomorrow or Tuesday. I dont want to wait until August to go to Biloxi now-though it'd be cool to see Scott.

Now what to do about Jeremy?

psikokrash @ 2005-04-28T12:21:00

2005-04-28T17:21:32Z

I went to church last night. The mood there is slightly more calm than that of a keg party. At best.

Everyone arrives a few hours before service, and begins to leave about thirty minutes after.

Bryce was standing on the hood of his car, dancing and singing along to George Michael's "I Want Your Sex". Eddie had climbed a tree and stuck my keys as high up as he could possibly get them. My brother Manny put his face on Bryce's windshield where someone had hit it with an instrument of somesort (long story) and pretended to be unconcious for a picture Bryce took. (It looked like Bryce had hit him with the car.) A few people were inside the church, playing pool and foozeball. You gotta love their enthusiasam for church.

The mood during service is generally better than that of the pre-service hours. With the exception of a few giggles and people whispering, it's quiet. The band is great. Two guitars, a bass, a keyboard, and a GREAT drummer. They added two more guitars during this one song.

Someone who went there often committed suicide last week. Their brother (also goes to the church) found him in their backyard. There were lots of prayers for that. The guy had a drug problem. He said he loved Jesus, but he was weak. It was sad and it really bugged me.

After service, everyone is invited to go up to the altar and pray for whatever is bugging them. Alot of people get really emotional. Bryce, Amanda, Manny, and Ashley -among other people- were in tears.

I didnt know what was bothering any of them. It doesnt make it any better to try and force it out of them. I told Manny that whenever he was ready, I was there for him. I gave Bryce a hug. Amanda was surrounded with people. Ashley told me she's been considering suicide. She's got a lot going on right now and she doesnt feel like anyone cares.

I mentioned it to some people after church on the ride home, and no one seemed too concerned. Kelly explained that Ashley had a "pity me" attitude about it and so it made it hard to care. I cant say i blame her too much. Ashley hates her and if i'd had to hear about it as often as them, i probably would've told her to suck it up too.

psikokrash @ 2005-04-25T11:37:00

2005-04-25T16:38:04Z

LJ Rocky Horror (Picture) Show by gwenxskaxsmurfxpink
Username
Dr. Frank-n-Furter	cemeterypolka
Brad Majors	mayanaise
Janet Weiss	phantom21b
Riff-Raff	logicpiledriver
Magenta	lildaemon
Columbia	ss_stealth
Dr. Scott	strong_chance
Rocky Horror	djspark
Eddie	randomxxl
The Criminologist	zadier
The Over-used Transylvanian	boopster

Quiz created with MemeGen!

maya is SOOOO Brad! and scott is SOOOO Janet!

yuck dream

2005-04-24T19:24:06Z

I had such a terrible dream, but there's more that plays into this sicky feeling in my stomache than just the dream.

I got a call from Jessi two days ago. We talked about this and that and I asked if she knew how her brother Johnny is doing. Lauren, I do believe i've told you about Johnny before. Johnny joined the Air Force last year and, because I was living with Jeremy without a phone, he left without me knowing. She tells me Johnny is back for awhile because he needed surgery (on his left nut, no less) and he's been back for awhile, and she forgot to tell me.

I all but danced for joy. I dated Johnny twice, and I tell you, he's amazing. Think hot, built, sweet, funny...everything. That includes well-equipped. Right before he left we decided we were married and such. Playfully, of course. I was living with him and Jessi and their family, so when Jessi stayed at Deric's overnight (most nights of the week) Johnny and I would stay up, playing around, going swimming, and watching Adult Swim and such. So I call his dad's house and leave a message with my number and whatnot. Yesterday his dad calls me and asks how I'm doing and stuff and gives me Johnny's cell phone number. I call him up and we talk for awhile and he says he'll come see me first chance he gets- he's throwing money down his car right now trying to get it running again, but he and Josh should have it running again by today.

Later last night, he calls me just to say hi, and see what's going on. During the conversation, Josh says something to him and Johnny says something along the lines of "Not now. Dont bother me with some stupid shit like that."

THAT IS WHAT I WISH JEREMY WERE LIKE!

There's so many thing Johnny is that Jeremy ISNT. Johnny's like my best friend (next to jessi-danny and lauren, you dont count because y'all arent here) Jeremy always seemed to be about sex and we have so little in common. Johnny and I like the same TV shows, movies, music, we have similar senses of humor, Johnny doesnt smoke (he quit around the same time i did), his family insists I'm a part of their family ( i love them all so much, they're wonderful), and i could spend hours with him just sitting around, talking, etc. Jeremy and I BARELY talk about anything relevant. It's hard to say anything to him without him making a federal case out of it.

So getting to the dream:

I'm feeling confused. I never lost feeling for Johnny and I know that even if he doesnt feel strongly, he feels it. Still, I feel kind of tied to Jeremy, though recently he's been making me pissy more and more. So I pray. I've been putting more faith in God since i got back home. I say i feel confused, and i'd like some help, and i'm praying for a dream. I put alot of faith in dreams too, though i know i shouldnt.

So i get a dream. I'm at my cousin Vanessa's house (it's really a dimmer version of my house in the dream) and I'm introducing him to her. They get along TOO well and I pull him aside and tell him to let off a bit. We go back into the living room and now my cousin is wearing thick black rimmed glasses and a yellow shirt like Velma from Scooby Doo. We're talking some more and I turn to check the time. When i turn back, she IS Velma and all of a sudden, Jeremy hops right on her and starts...you know. 'Course I get pissed and I start yelling at the top of my lungs at them, but they dont listen and i leave. I walk back in later to tell them both off, and Jeremy says he's not sorry and my cousin says they belong together. And i woke up feeling sick.

psikokrash @ 2005-04-20T11:34:00

2005-04-20T16:44:09Z

i had a great time hanging out with Jeremy and Dave last Monday!

as a girl who doesnt get to see her boyfriend so often, i'd usually feel a bit bugged that Dave was there, but Dave is diffrent.

I've had a guy before who had friends who you just KNEW talked about you when you werent there. Dave is extremely respectful and really nice, so i feel comfortable with him there. I kicked his ass at Halo 2 while Jeremy took a nap on the couch and then the two of them played basketball while i watched. By no means is Dave a third wheel.

I painted Sunday night, but the only thing i could find was a trashcan, so i painted on that. It made me feel way better and after i was done, i was able to fall asleep, finally, at 3 covered in paint. I was feeling pretty shitty...my cousin, Erica, is graduating next month, and I feel like a loser. I found a picture of me with this dragon thing i'd done in marker, and i remembered being happy then. Yesterday I went out to the shed and grabbed the biggest board i could find. About six feet high and two and a half feet wide. I painted on it yesterday. Nothing in particular, it just made me feel better.

Mom pissed me off this morning, but having just gotten over it, i'd rather not discuss it. Jeremy is off today and i'd like to see him, but if not i might just call Ross or maybe go see Steve. I still have to write that letter (havent gotten to it yet! sorry, danny!) and I'd like to write one to my cousin before we go to San Antonio for her graduation next month. I'm going to see if Jeremy can go, too. He's got family in San Antonio he's been dying to see and it'd be a good excuse for him to go. We were supposed to go together last February, but there were car problems and we decided against it last minute. Ahh well.

psikokrash @ 2005-04-13T09:15:00

2005-04-13T14:15:56Z

copied from XANGA:

At the risk of sounding like an emo kid, i've been feeling pretty down recently. No, I take that back. I've felt okay. I've been spending alot of time with mom, and so that makes me feel alright. We sit and watch TV alot and talk to each other, and since what we had before could hardly be called a relationship (i cringe thinking of the violence) it makes me feel better knowing that she doesnt hate me like i used to think she did.

What's bugged me this past week:

First off, Jeremy. It's that he has three days off a week, and i hear from him maybe once or twice. It's not that i have to see the guy everyday, but i'd like a quick phone call every now and then. I think i might be a bit paranoid. What with not seeing him so often, i wonder if he's seeing someone else besides Dan, Noah, Dave, Garrett, Daryll...etc... He mentioned he'd gone to Dave's sister's house earlier this week.

Dammit. Getting off it.

Second, my sister is in the hospital. She's got this really bad rash that was covering her ears, eyelids, etc. when i saw her. She says it's probably from these meds she was prescribed from a doctor for allergies. She used to take alot of crap. Antidepressants, stuff to help her sleep...the list goes on. Not that she's a nut, she's just dependant on meds.

So I plan to call her today. I told Jeremy I wasnt going to call anymore and if he wanted to talk, he'd have to call me. I feel like a loser calling him multiple times a day, but like i said before, i get bored to tears around here.

three cheers for slipknot.

psikokrash @ 2005-04-10T11:40:00

2005-04-10T16:43:04Z

i had a dream last night! and lauren was there! and she had five kids! and she lived in a train!

bill was there too, but i lost him somewhere on the way to lauren's train. we were going to go get danny, but then i lost lauren. her kids were still hanging around, but she'd left somewhere.

i got your message, lauren. i'm sorry i missed you. and i'm sorry i never called you back. i tried, but the reception sucked and i got cut off and went to bed. the next day, the phone was taken from me.

in a hurry.

psikokrash @ 2005-03-30T09:17:00

2005-03-30T15:24:29Z

Scoot, until I move out, then it looks like you+ houston= impossible. Would've been cool to have you here a few days, even. Jeremy would love you. Lauren, It'll take a few weeks, but i'll defintely look into that!

New plan, until then, though. I'm going to kidnap each of you one by one by one until i have you all (Lauren, Danny, Scoot, Jim, Galen, Steve, hell, maybe even Shirley for those rainy days when im bored) and toss y'all in a box which i will paint white and write COMPAQ on. It'll have a thick piece of plastic where the glass should be, and y'all can draw windows and text on it. I'll keep Shirley seprate from y'all for your safety. I'll feed you Mac N' Cheese and play Minesweeper with y'all. Some of you will have to double as Neopets. The rest of you as Sims.

Pack your bags and wait...i'm coming...

Which File Extension are You?

psikokrash @ 2005-03-28T22:17:00

2005-03-29T04:25:03Z

Looks like this might be the only way to assure y'all that im still alive. Forgive me if im being over-dramatic. I just hate when my mother pulls this kind of bullshit.

SO THEN! Why dont I start from the beginning? Jim got me in some trouble. I didnt take it to seriously. Oh well. He calls MY HOUSE, rather than my cell phone, and my mom answers. This is funny: First off, her boyfriend's name is Jimmy. So Jim calls, and the convo, according to him, goes something like Mom:"Hello?" Jim:"Hey!" "How're you doing?" "Alright. How are you doin'? " "Wait...who is this?" "Jim" "OH! Why are you calling from a diffrent number?" "Huh?" "Wait. Who are you calling for?" "Adri." (here, i get bitched at "Look, I dont want you calling my house anymore." *click*

She's so rude, but i suppose him hitting on my mom didnt make things any better.

So I cant have AIM or Yahoo. I cant make or take any calls to any of you on my cell phone. There's email, sure. And there's LJ and Xanga, but i think y'all'll agree with me when i say it's not the same. I'm gonna miss the voice/cam chats, Danny and Lauren. Sitting around laughing uncontrollably while Lauren makes faces into her webcam and Danny mimicks Shirley is a thing of the past.

SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS.

Time to start saving up for a comp. I'll get out of here ASAP.

psikokrash @ 2005-03-18T14:01:00

2005-03-18T20:05:41Z

***teh addition***
another day at work, another day of being unsure of what im doing and feeling like i'm just skrewing everyone out of their money.

tomorrow i have to go in, open AND close. i have to meet Tasha up there at 9:15 and close at 5. *bangs head on keyboard* ...goodbye, saturdays...

LMAO! i just opened a letter from the DPS, and i got my ID card. i look SO terrible. i was in a bad mood. i went to one to get my ID card, and another to get my permit. i noticed just now, that at the first one, there were MORE mexicans, and everyone seemed to be in a perma-bad mood. at the second one, everyone seemed to be happier, and there were LESS mexicans.

i hate that my mom and her boyfriend are so into PDA. jesus. it's wrong when I DO IT?!

like when they met jeremy - my mom's hand was on jimmy's knee the whole time, and after awhile, they started playing footsies. we werent even sitting at the table. if it made ME uncomfortable, i cant imagine how it made jeremy feel. *gag* *vomit* i guess it's not really PDA when they do it around the house, but hell. there's children here. The oldest of the six of us is my sister, melissa, at 21. kara (jimmy's daughter) is about 20 (i think), im eighteen, jake is 17, manny is 15, and eli is 12. Eli still counts as a child. It's just not right to do that kind of thing in front of us. it makes us uncomfortable. A LITTLE SELF CONTROL, PLEASE! *slaps forehead*

***end teh addition***

bryan called me just now!

there's something about that cute minnisota accent that's completely disarming. i think there's just something about accents altogether.

i love getting calls from ZF people. i have to clear the numbers off the caller ID's (so my mom doesnt freak out) but it totally brightens my day.

he invited me to a housewarming party in the summer that i MIGHT be able to make, depending on if i've moved out of here yet or not. sounds like fun, though.

psikokrash @ 2005-03-17T12:55:00

2005-03-17T18:58:50Z

i dont like my job.

sure sure it's something to do and what not, but it feels like HIGHWAY ROBBERY how much they charge!

everything done through the post office is double the regular price, and metered mail is BULLSHIT.

more later. gotta get ready for another day at the store.

psikokrash @ 2005-03-16T13:54:00

2005-03-16T19:56:52Z

i think im going to start updating this too. i get so bored sitting here waiting to go to work. when i'm at work, i want to be home, sitting here, waiting to go to work or to sleep. im never satisfied.

psikokrash @ 2005-03-01T13:26:00

2005-03-01T19:33:27Z

i left Jeremy this morning.

i dont know what hurts more. he couldnt quit smoking that DAMNED weed for me, that i have to live with my mother again, or that he doesnt seem to care either way.

so it's back to mom's, though i dont know how long for.

online tarot reading...it sounds pretty believeable for an online tarot reading

There's an element of contradiction in your love life today, adriana! The influence of the Emperor and the High Priestess is making you more critical, and this is putting distance between you and other people. You just can't stop yourself from challenging everyone's ideas and habits. It's making you cranky and dictatorial, so if you're not careful you'll be getting on your partner's nerves - or those of a potential new lover! A word of advice: stay away from heated discussions. Professionally speaking, you're not feeling too confident of yourself today, as the Lovers plant a seed of doubt into everything you undertake. Thankfully the Emperor, who sets the general ambiance, radiates an air of stability and reassurance. You therefore don't need to worry, because with his benevolent influence, you can build your day on very solid foundations. Just forget about your anxieties and get on with things!

psikokrash @ 2004-09-07T16:19:00

2004-09-07T21:21:07Z

just read danny's last two latest entries. maybe it's stupid that i feel kind of hurt. i know i havent been around and i didnt expect for him to wait around forever, but, damn. this sucks.

going to go crawl into a hole for awhile.

now, what i wrote before i read any of that:

everyone, everyone!

HUGE party either at the end of november or the beginning of december. if you're between the ages of 13 and 30, check in with me and i'll give you details as i work it all out.

looking for bands who are intrested in playing it. i dont care what kind of music you play, so long as you're a decent band. if you know someone who's in a band, tell them to talk with me. cant pay you, but if you just want to be heard, here's your chance.

oh, that goes for DJ's too.

psikokrash @ 2004-08-01T20:11:00

2004-08-02T01:20:37Z

hey. long time no clicky clicky.

quick update: im at my mom's and my ride is on his way.

still having a blast with work at Pappadeaux. Spending alot of time with the waiters, namely Jeremy and Jared and Tony. Johnny moved back into the house, so i've usually got company there when i choose to hang around. Jessi's about four months pregnant, showing pretty well. She's got her prenatals and a few other pills she's supposed to be taking. She had her first sonogram and her first ultrasound not too long ago. Deric went with her. He's so proud, he's gonna be a great father. She's spending more and more time wtih him, which doesnt bother me a bit seeing as how im rarely at the house too.

got so piss drunk the other night. i dont drink much, but DAMN. i went to college station with Jared last wednesday, had 4 beers and the guys persuaded me to take 2 hits off a pipe. I immediately regretted it. I threw up all over then passed out in travis's bed. Woke at two and the boys offered me more beer. I told them to shuv it.

Joey and Jeremy moved in together, Jeremy spent the 5 hours i was at work moving more of his stuff. They've got a nice townhome in the galleria area. Big step up from the apartment over on hollister. It's really nice.

School starts the 14th. Im going to get my shopping done sometime soon: what with working all weekend (they've got me working Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights-it'll suck when school starts) then hanging out with the guys all week, i dont get much done.

alright. I've spent enough time on the comp (my addiction has ended) and im starting to worry about Jeremy...should've been here by now. gotta call and make sure there's no new wreck on 610.

i love you guys. And Danny. Let's not forget my Danny. I love him too.

MUAH. Will Update again ASAP. Y'all feel free to call. I finally got an answering machine so it's all okey dokey.

yoink'd from just about everybody:

2004-07-05T19:54:17Z

Dan Morton-51%
Jeremy Casanova-67%
Bryan Hamilton-27% (i KNEW it!)
Nathan Weiss-91% (now THAT one comes as a shock)
Lauren Crist-99%

LAUREN IS THE WINNER!

well...better change my mood to "giddy"

...psst! lauren...SMOOCH!

HELL OF A HAPPY FOURTH!

2004-07-05T08:29:06Z

what a NIGHT!

my day was SHIT, but what a NIGHT!

i woke at eight. i picked up a shift for Joe for twenty $ and the money i'd make for the extra hours. i started at 10, and didnt get off until 9:30. it was pretty uneventful until around eight thirty or nine when my uncle walked in. i called him earlier and told him that Jessica S. was working Bartender tonight, and he's been flirting with her for awhile. he shows up, gets dead drunk by nine thirty gets DEAD DRUNK.

backup:

My uncle is the manager of a dry cleaners that isnt even a block away from Pappadeaux 290. Most cleaners charge out the ass for aprons and shirts (when are required to be heavy starched by Pappadeaux for the servers) but my uncle charges a dollar each item for Pappa's employees. THEREFORE, he knows alot of the servers. Anyway, Jessica Sanfiel is a pretty server who's been there about two years. My uncle has been flirting with her recently, and just the other day gave her about 36$ worth of cleaning free...i'd get my ass kicked if i hooked anyone up like that. Anyway, I told Jeremy that my uncle was into her, he told Jessica, and Jessica gave my uncle 2 beers and 4 Infusions (a new drink we have at the restaurant...it's really good, i had a sip after my shift when my manager wasnt around!) We're not supposed to serve enough to get ANYONE drunk, but she REALLY over did it.

I tell my uncle everything, so he knows ALL about what's been going on with Jeremy Casanova and I. (Casanova is his real last name! SO BADASS!)

Well, Jeremy walks in at around 9:00 to get some information on a party Julio was supposed to be having, and to find out what time i finished my shift to see if he could pick me up. I tell him my uncle is at the bar flirting with Jessica, and go off to do Hostess-y things. I walk past my uncle at the bar fifteen minutes later, and there's Jeremy sitting with him, laughing and talking about me. Twenty minutes later, we're back here, at my mom's house, and Jeremy and my uncle are laughing like they've known each other forever. An hour later, we're outside Joey and Tony's apartment (they're roommates...not gay, i swear it) waiting on Joey so we can head to the party. Another hour later, and we're lost somewhere in Fort Bend. I had had three smirnoff twisted green apples and i needed to race like a pisshorse. (i did that wrong on PURPOSE, i like that phrase better that way...jessi said that once accidently and i loved it) Jeremy calls Julio at an intersection. Julio says that we're supposed to keep going South on 1093 until it ends, and Jeremy looks at a sign and says "Shit...this is 1099! How the hell did we get here?!" We'd been driving for atleast an hour, maybe two. We TURN AROUND to look for 1093, but we see a sign that says we're seven miles from Katy and 30 from Richmond. We go into Katy, find I-10, and get on the beltway and go home.

and from what i heard about the party last night, it was pretty damn wild. Julio hired some strippers to walk around the party naked. i told steve last night and he was dying to go.

OOH, and the night BEFORE...

i hung out with David until 11, when he needed to go home. i said goodbye and called Jeremy because i promised him i would. He picked me up, then he picked up Joey and we went to go buy some fireworks. It's only legal to use fireworks OUTSIDE of city limits, and Joey lives just inside. My mom's house isnt, and is just a few blocks from where we were, so i suggested we pop them there: mom's in Kentucky, and i didnt see why my uncle and sister would care if we were just gonna pop a few then leave.

We ended up going to Waller. A thirty minute drive from this part of Houston. We met two of Joey's friends and went to this place they called "The Hill". It was just as flat as the rest of Texas. I didnt see any hills anywhere. Not even a mound of dirt. Anyway, Jeremy rolls up a blunt and the smoke it, i had a bud, and the pop the fireworks. Joey isnt the sharpest tool in the shed sometimes, and decides to take those werks that are supposed to go into that pipe thing and explode really pretty in the air (the kind they use at big shows, really colorful, a little loud) light them in his hand and throw them on the ground. Scare the hell out of Casanova, the two girls we met, and I. It was alot of fun. I got home at 2:30 a., set Jessi's alarm clock for 8a., and fell asleep.

psikokrash @ 2004-06-07T14:07:00

2004-06-07T19:15:34Z

my jessi is pregnant. i was hanging out here at my mom's house yesterday, and she calls and says "hey, are you mad at me?" "no. why? should i be?" "well, you might be. im pregnant." "you are nooootttt" "yeah, i am" "no you're not!" "momma got me a pregnancy test, it's why i've been so sick recently." "DAMMIT! NO!!!! NO! NO! NO! NO! YOU CANT BE! IM NOT SHARING YOU!" then mom yells "ADRIANA!" and i go "IM SORRY!" and yeah.

anyway. hell of a time to be pregnant. her family, with the exception of her stepfather, is thrilled. i have mixed feelings. this baby is gonna be like a little nephew or little niece to me. i have to deal with jessi being pregnant for a few months, and then im gonna be expected to help with the baby once it's born. dammit. deric told him mom, Paula, this morning. i told them i wanted to be there when they told her, but i wasnt and niether was jessi. i havent bothered calling deric, so i dont know Paula's reaction. i called his house earlier for jessi, and his g-ma answered and i said "So hey, did the tell you?" "Tell me what?" "The news" "What news?" "You mean you dont know?" "No." "I gotta go." and i hung up.

so im gonna put aside some money. im not telling deric or jessi how much, but it's baby fund. when it gets here, we'll have spare money for food and clothes and diapers, etc. i know it's not any of my responsibility, but i love jessi and deric, and so im gonna help out much as i can.

she's gonna put me through hell.

today i start my training. talked to jeremy today and he's working too. yay.

all done.

oh, and lauren, jessi told me you called. i dont know when i get off work, but i'll look into it.

psikokrash @ 2004-06-07T10:51:00

2004-06-06T15:52:21Z

alright, somebody save me:

281 260 9974

it's also connected to a fax machine, so if the fax is on, it'll ring twice, then blow your ears out with that screechy fax noise. no one will answer but me or jessi so dont worry about me getting into any trouble. i'll be busy all this week with training, but i should be home at about 10. i'll also be spending my mornings at the cleaners.

...collect call and i'll maim you

psikokrash @ 2004-06-03T12:13:00

2004-06-03T17:23:42Z

hey HEY hey! finally got to a comp again. at my mom's house awhile. i was hanging out at the dry cleaners my uncle manages, and he came home to take a nap, so i came with him to update, play DDR, and see my little brother. he's poop. he's behind me.

anyway, things at jessi's go better. she's still depressed, but she's gotten a better hold on her life since the cops shot deric (her bf). i'll explain that later on. im not spending so much time with them anymore, so i havent had to deal with it so much anyway. i've been spending alot of time going out with David Bonagurio (a guy from school) and Jeremy Casanova (a guy i met from the cleaners).

i got fired from the cleaners awhile back...pretty sure i mentioned it. i started hanging out with Jeremy and he talked to his manager, and took me over to Pappadeaux's yesterday to apply again. Luckily for me, the manager, Chris, recognized me. I didnt think it'd be right to say "HI! IM ABEL'S NEICE! REMEMBER ME?" They require two interviews, so im going in again at 3 o' clock today. Jeremy is picking me up later.

Im lucky for Jeremy! Kathy (Jessi's mom) has been pressuring us to get jobs, and even though i wanted one, i hate being pressured to get one. So glad Jeremy talked to Chris.

I missed all y'all alot. i've been meaning to get a phonecard but im short on cash until the bank fixes a mistake i made...i put six hundered dollars into the wrong account...dammit. last time i had one, i called brian, danny, and lauren, but lauren didnt answer her phone, Mike called me while i was on the phone with Brian, and Danny was in class. Pfft.

all done! now reply or feel my wrath.